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In the last post, we began to discuss how to handle friends
who are drifting from the Lord. However,
it’s such a difficult issue to handle, that I can’t merely give a step-by-step
guide to solve it. Thus, part one of
this post focused on the most important piece of these situations: my own
attitude.
Before I can hope to see any change in those around me, I
need to keep several things I mind:
I’m not all that close to God either.
Are they truly a Christian?
Is it my place to confront this person?
And finally, I can’t change anybody.
I must understand, then, that even though different
situations and relationships may require that I respond differently, the
principles outlined in the previous post are always applicable. And while the four points of part one are
important, they are by no means the only things to consider.
Knowing this, if the Lord has directed me to talk to a
certain friend about his or her lifestyle or attitude, how do I go about doing
so?
As I’ve stated before, every situation is different, because
every person is different. Even so, when
I approach a friend who is drifting away from the Lord, I must always do so in two
ways: in gentleness and in love.
In gentleness
The most important aspect of gentleness springs from this
understanding: My friend is more important than his or her behavior.
Simply put, this means that I must always value my friend
more than I value “fixing” their lifestyle.
Ultimately, if I am only making matters worse, I need to stop. It is not worth losing a brother or sister. Thus, in order to explain my concerns to a
friend in gentleness, I have to be able to gauge how open and honest I can be
with them without pushing them away.
Is my friend someone who will respond well to my pointing
out every weak area at once, or will it be better if I only suggest a single
aspect of concern for now? Will they
understand the severity of their behavior more if I use scripture, or if I
explain to them the consequences of their actions?
As these questions imply, how I confront a friend depends
largely on who they are and on the traits of their personality. Obviously, then, I can’t hope to be gentle if
I don’t take the time to get to know them on a personal level!
In love
At first, love seems synonymous with gentleness. It is entirely unique, though, mainly because
love is completely and utterly genuine.
I can have the wrong intentions and still be gentle, but that is not so
with love!
Love (or agape love, more specifically) is wanting and seeking
the best for others. Again, the
principle of gentleness is evident: I value my friend more than I value
changing their lifestyle. If I become so
focused on trying to “fix” someone’s character, then my focus is no longer on
Christ, and therefore no longer on love.
The fact that love is genuine is crucial. Love is real. If I act like I have no faults at all, why
would anyone want to listen to me? If I
am to be genuine, I have to admit that I need to work on some areas too. In fact, many times friends will be more open
to change if I am open and honest about my own failures. In this way, we become “accountability
partners,” spurring one another on to good works (cf. Galatians 6:1-5, Hebrews
10:24).
In the end, if someone doesn’t see my genuine love and care,
I will have no effect. It’s important
for them to know that I am not merely confronting them for confrontation’s
sake. I am doing so because I am
concerned for them. I want the best for
my friend, not the spiritual, emotional, and even physical turmoil to which
their current lifestyle is taking them.
I want to love them as my Savior loves them.
If the Lord is directing me to speak honestly with a friend
about issues of sin, I must begin with my own mindset, knowing my place before
Almighty God. I must first take the
matter to Him, and then approach my friend in love and gentleness. When I approach each situation with Christ as
my focus, He will work out everything else.
As I have mentioned before, there are so many situations in
regard to friends who are drifting away from the Lord that I cannot possibly explain
how to approach each one. I’ve tried,
however, to share some general principles and considerations to take into
account, which can be applied to any circumstance.
I invite you to share your thoughts, advice, and questions
in the comments section! I would love to
continue the discussion with you.